also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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