god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
