smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
