I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
