I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
