We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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