Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
