dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
