a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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