She just used a chaser for red wine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
