i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
