Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
