Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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