Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
