just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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