Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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