She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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