P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
