god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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