So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
