She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
