she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
