I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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