Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
