I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
