so explain again why im purple
no
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
where are you?
Hypothermia
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
