I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
please come you make the beer taste better
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need water and some morals
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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