Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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