When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
