She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
