Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My balls are so social today.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
