I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
