He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
