Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
