I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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