Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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