just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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