Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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