I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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