so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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