fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Houston, we have a blender
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
