Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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