Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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