No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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