he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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