Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
