Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She needs sedatives and a leash
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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