Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
