i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
