"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
