What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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