So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize