You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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