I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
