ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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