Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
