so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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