im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
