did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
