I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
