my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
