I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
