What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
false alarm. still invincible.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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