Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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