you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
