actually, I'm a sock model
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
