i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize