so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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