Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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