there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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