I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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