Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
