I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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