Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
