Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
