I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
