So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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